Top 5!… Worst NHL Jerseys

There has been a lot of talk on Superawesomesportsawesomeblog.Nice about how great some NHL jerseys are. The vintage throwback days of the original six teams are still arguably the best vintage jerseys of any professional sport, and the current NHL trend of paying homage to those vintage roots has made many teams uniforms that much better and more memorable.

But alas, there is also a dark side in the NHL. That dark side occured during the late 80’s and early 90’s. This is what happened.

5. Milwaukee Admirals:

Yikes. What i like most about this jersey is that is multipurpose. It can be both a picnic blanket and a great clubbing shirt if you hang out with the lumberjack crowd. On long road trips, you can also use it as a travel checkers board. The subtle blend of checkered shitty browns really make you appreciate how easy blind people have it some times…

4. Los Angeles Kings:

Arguably the gayest of all NHL jerseys. Not only does it have glitter, silver sparkles and a FABULOUS purple tone, the women’s jersey’s with “girlie” colors dont look too much different.

3. St. Louis Blues:

If Paula Abdul has taught us anything, she taught us these two rules:
1. Opposites attract.
2. Having a cartoon cat mascot does not make anything better, even if it is to display polar duality of rule #1. Plus, it is kind of retarded.

2. Vancouver Canucks:

This one is so bad, it makes an appearance both as #2 and #1. The original Canucks jerseys were blue, green, and white, and had a green oval logo with a hockey stick in it. If you glance at it, it looks like a whale’s head. In the late 70’s and early 80’s, they decided that a much better idea is to ditch the logo, switch to Halloween colors, and just have a giant “V” on their chest. There are too many “V” jokes for me to even begin to make fun of this.

1. Vancouver Cancucks:

I mean… really?

Published in: on October 31, 2008 at 8:07 pm  Leave a Comment  

They don’t call us Trampa Bay for nothing…

I thought 7-run leads were only tentative in football.

That is, until i was abruptly corrected by the Tampa Bay (formerly Devil) Rays. Apparently, when you have never been in a dominant position as a team, with a massive lead in a playoff series-clinching game, you don’t know to play it hard to the bitter end, and that no lead is safe and that coasting is going to end the game any quicker.

(Hey, where did our lead go?)

I guess thinking about champagne baths is especially distracting when you are usually playing golf for a good three weeks at this point every other season.

Either that, or their bats just got hot and didnt deserve to in the series…only time, and the Phillies, will tell.

Published in: on October 23, 2008 at 4:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

TOP 5!… erection-inducing moments of the week

5. Dustin Pedroia hitting two identical home runs to left field in the Home Run Derby, err, i mean, ALCS game 2 in Tampa Bay.

Not only did he blast two out to the same section of seats at Tropicana Field, he has pulled himself out of his early playoff slump and re-established himself as a dangerous batter at the plate. A run-producing Pedroia, with the speed of Ellsbury batting first, the Red Sox should be on the board every inning those two are up to bat.

4. The Arizona Cardinals calling timeout just milliseconds before the cardinals block what would have been the game ending kick from 52 yards. Timeout is rewarded, the cowboys re-kick, and Folk nails a 52-yarder to send the game to OT. Short-lived momentum, but that could have been the game for Cardinals with that useless attempt to ice a kicker.

3. The NHL is back and the Boston Bruins are good. Not that I don’t love seeing the Celtics, Patriots and Red Sox doing well and winning championships, I’d rather see the Cup hoisted by the Black n’ Gold.

2. How much fans in LA love Manny Ramirez. He could rape a retarded 3-year old boy and the only punishment he’d get is having to sign an autograph for that retarded child. Either that, or just hit a Home Run against the Phillies in the NLCS. Seems pretty even-handed, right? I mean, the guy is hitting .450 in the playoffs. That is unheard of.

1. Frank Gore giving my fantasy team a much needed boost on Sunday. 101 yards rushing and a touchdown on a very outmatched 49ers team… those are stats i desperately needed against a guy with McNabb as his QB.

Published in: on October 13, 2008 at 1:19 am  Leave a Comment  

Sage Advice from a Homeless Man: Patriot Games

Here’s some sage advice for you: Silence is golden, unless it is not.

Don’t believe me? Then go fuck yourself, that is what.

For example, Al Davis accused the Patriots of cheating recently. Of course, we know that the Patriots may have video taped the Jets, but what we can also assume here is that Al Davis had gay sex with Bill Belicheck and is using the classic “blame the victim” defense.

The Patriots didn’t need to “interfere” with negotiations with Randy Moss. Unless the Raiders were offering sex slaves and $1 Billion in straight cash, homey, Moss was going to be out quicker than a roofied supermodel. (p.s. – is that the correct way to use roofie as a verb?)

Even still, based on how well Al Davis picks his players, those sex slaves would probably be nothing more than Al himself giving handjobs through a glory hole in the locker room stalls. (not that those can’t be good…)

Anyways, the point I’m making is that we assumed that even someone with a sordid reputation such as Belichick was innocent…that is, until he denied it, thus substantiating Davis and his claims, however crazy.

Before long, Al Davis is going to take a page from the Sarah Palin playbook and make Belichick pay for his own rape kit.

(Let’s rape abortion in the bud… that is the expression, right?)

Published in: on October 4, 2008 at 10:47 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Hi-Jacking of the BCS

And am I the only one that noticed that FOX just semi-got-away-with what can only be called broadcast hi-jacking when it started exclusively broadcasting the BCS championship games in 2007?

Now, when I say “exclusive” I don’t just mean they’re the only network covering those games – I mean those are the only games they cover all season. You know, just the most important ones.

There’s no building up of “equity” in the announcers for the viewers or “continuity” over the course of a season – let’s just run a bunch of ads with a Trojan, a gator, and a giant buckeye chasing a BCS trophy in a Toyota© truck bed. That should get ’em amped.

Published in: on October 4, 2008 at 10:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Idiot…get your trainer to buy the cocaine.

Below are the ramblings of Sensei Mittens: Brilliant analytical sports editorialist. Racist karate-teaching kitten.

So Travis Henry was arrested.

Are you shocked? I hope not. I’m surprised that he didn’t play for a Cincinnati sports team. The fact that he isn’t buying drugs would shock me more. Maybe that Bengals trade will go through. I hear they do need a running back…

Let’s take a look at the Bengals, shall we? They had 10 players arrested within 14 months.

14 months! That is practically a Bengal-per-month ratio. They should make a calendar of Bengals players’ arrests. But why do so many get arrested?

They play for a team in a city so run down that most players live in a different state altogether. The best part? That state is Kentucky! It is a step up to live in Kentucky instead of Cincinnati!

Kentucky has the fewest teeth per capita of any state in the union, and lets retarded children design their license plates. Their basketball team under-performs, their football team sucks, and their only reason to cheer of late is the fact that Rick Pitino failed as a professional coach.

But back to Travis Henry.

(It’s so good once it hits your lips)

So he gets caught trying to buy cocaine in Montana from a police informant. So many questions arise from this.

1. What is a black guy doing in Montana?
2. What is a black guy doing buying cocaine in Montana? Has he not seen Scarface?
3. There is a black guy who has not seen Scarface?

While these questions linger, the answer seems obvious:

Henry used to get his cocaine from J.P. Losman in Buffalo. But now that Losman rides the bench, he’s keeping it all to do his own lines on the sidelines during games that the Bills are now winning no thanks to him. Make sense? it should.

Published in: on October 3, 2008 at 4:59 am  Leave a Comment  

Is anyone alive out there?!! Can anyone hear me?!!

I hate conspiracy theorists but can we stop and question something for a moment here: Why do the Colts and Patriots play each other every year? . . . Anyone? . . . . No? . . . Well I did the research – here’s the link: – and they do.

Now, we know that NFL scheduling – with one noteworthy exception – goes as follows: you play every team in your division twice, you exhaustively play some other division (changing every year), and then you’re handed a few other teams at random. . . yet the Patriots and Colts have played each other every year since 2003.
Of course, we know this is all about the NFL’s cabbage – I’m just saying that if I were a fan of either of these teams, I’d be pissed. In an incredibly competitive league where that one extra loss can cost you all-important home-field advantage in a playoff game, it matters. How would Yankees and Red Sox fans feel if Bud Selig suddenly said that those teams – two reliably good ones – were going to face each other twice as often each year while the Orioles, Rays, and Blue Jays slugged it out? Rick Adelman”s 2002 Sacramento Kings Western Conference Finals squad thinks the Colts and Pats are getting jobbed . . .

Published in: on October 2, 2008 at 3:53 am  Leave a Comment