Idiot…get your trainer to buy the cocaine.

Below are the ramblings of Sensei Mittens: Brilliant analytical sports editorialist. Racist karate-teaching kitten.

So Travis Henry was arrested.

Are you shocked? I hope not. I’m surprised that he didn’t play for a Cincinnati sports team. The fact that he isn’t buying drugs would shock me more. Maybe that Bengals trade will go through. I hear they do need a running back…

Let’s take a look at the Bengals, shall we? They had 10 players arrested within 14 months.

14 months! That is practically a Bengal-per-month ratio. They should make a calendar of Bengals players’ arrests. But why do so many get arrested?

They play for a team in a city so run down that most players live in a different state altogether. The best part? That state is Kentucky! It is a step up to live in Kentucky instead of Cincinnati!

Kentucky has the fewest teeth per capita of any state in the union, and lets retarded children design their license plates. Their basketball team under-performs, their football team sucks, and their only reason to cheer of late is the fact that Rick Pitino failed as a professional coach.

But back to Travis Henry.


(It’s so good once it hits your lips)

So he gets caught trying to buy cocaine in Montana from a police informant. So many questions arise from this.

1. What is a black guy doing in Montana?
2. What is a black guy doing buying cocaine in Montana? Has he not seen Scarface?
3. There is a black guy who has not seen Scarface?

While these questions linger, the answer seems obvious:

Henry used to get his cocaine from J.P. Losman in Buffalo. But now that Losman rides the bench, he’s keeping it all to do his own lines on the sidelines during games that the Bills are now winning no thanks to him. Make sense? it should.

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Published in: on October 3, 2008 at 4:59 am  Leave a Comment